Constructive Versus Destructive Complaining
消极与积极的抱怨
Psychologists say that people generally complain for one of two reasons—as a way of enlisting people to agree with their point of view, or as a means of making conversation since negative observations often yield a bigger response than positive comments. (Sadly, that is true.)
心里学家说人们通常抱怨有两方面的原因：一个是来争取别人的观点和自己的一致，或作为一种交谈因为负面观察往往比积极评价产生更大的反应。(可悲的是，这是真的。)
Today, I’m going on record as saying that neither of these reasons are valid enough to outweigh the fact that no one likes being around people who are chronic complainers.
今天,我要公开说,这些原因都是正当的，而且比没有人喜欢被周围人一直抱怨着这一事实更有价值。
Whining Damages Reputations
抱怨损害名誉
Whining is a childish trait and can be a very difficult habit to break once it has become a part of a person’s communication style. Nevertheless, breaking the habit of complaining is essential if we wish to be viewed as people whose words carry weight and whose opinions matter.
抱怨是一种非常幼稚的行为习惯，一旦养成就很难打破这种坏习惯，它将成为人们交际风格的一部分。然而，改正抱怨的习惯是非常必要的，如果我们希望被别人视为那种说话和观点有分量的人。
Some forms of complaints are obvious, but other forms are often disguised as commentary or critique. They may appear more subtle but are just as damaging to your reputation.
有些抱怨的形式是非常明显的，但也有其他形式常常被伪装成评论或批判。它们的出现可能是微妙的，但是却可以损害你的名誉。
Complaint Etiquette
抱怨礼仪
When you do have a legitimate complaint to communicate, you can do so in a productive manner by following these guidelines.
当你确实有一个合理的抱怨需要进行沟通,你可以以富有成效的方式遵循这些准则。
1. Have a purpose. Having an objective for complaining means that you wish to accomplish something that is both reasonable and specific.
1.有目的性的。有一个客观的抱怨意味着你想有所成就,这是合理而又明确的。
Complaints without purpose include things like:
没有目的的抱怨的事情有：
The way your favorite NFL team played on Sunday
The weather
The traffic on the Interstate
These things may bother you to a degree, but you can’t do anything about any of them, so why spend your time (and someone else’s) complaining about them?
您最喜欢的美国国家足球联盟的球队在周日比赛;天气;州级公路上的交通;有些事可能影响你的学位，但是你又不能对他们做任何事，因此为什么你要花费你的(和别人的)时间来抱怨他们呢?
2. Offer a proposed solution. Whenever you complain, be prepared to offer a reasonable solution.
2.提供一种解决方案。无论你什么时候抱怨，去准备提供一种合理的解决方法。
3. Be understanding. People are not perfect and most employees are doing the best they can. It’s also important to recognize that what may be logical to you, may not be logical to someone else.
3.理解性的。人都是不完美的，但是员工们尽他们最大的努力去做事。同样重要的是，认识到什么对你来说是合理的，或许这些对别人来说不是合理的。
Make a point to accept and value the differences in people. Recognize that we all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences. Specifically, have a little more patience; be a little more forgiving of others.
强调接受和价值的差异。要承认我们都是来自不同的背景，有着不同的生活经历。具体来说，要多一点耐心，学会更加宽容别人。
If you find yourself being overly critical of others or the world at large (which leads to the habit of complaining), let me encourage you to start being more aware of this and work on improving your attitude in this area.
如果你发现自己过于批判别人或者整个世界(这就是导致你形成抱怨的习惯)，让我来鼓励你开始有意识的对待这些，这样会改变你在这些方面的态度。
4. Treat others with respect and kindness. If you must complain in such circumstances such as being served cold food in a restaurant, discovering a billing error, or challenging a warranty discrepancy, describe your situation in a way that shows respect to the individual listening to your complaint.
4.要尊重和善待他人。如果你一定要在这种环境中抱怨，例如饭馆的食物太凉，发现记错账，或者是遇到一个具有挑战性的矛盾，描述你的情况，来显示对听你抱怨的聆听者们的尊重。
Often times, it’s not their fault. And even if it is, there is no reason to speak to them like they are stupid or incompetent. Doing that will only make matters worse and reflect poorly on you.
通常，这不是他们的错。即使是这样，也没有理由去说他们是愚蠢的或者是无能的。这样做只会让事情变得更糟糕，会反映出你恶劣的心情。
How to Break the Destructive Habit
如何去改正这些不好的习惯?
The good news is that breaking the habit of complaining is something we can all do on our own. Here are a few tips to get you started.
最好的方法是我们自己去改正这些对事情抱怨的习惯。这有一些小贴士来帮助你开始改正。
For the next 24 hours, make an effort to catch yourself each time you complain—at home, at work, and out in the community. Being aware of your tone and how much you verbalize your dissatisfaction with other people or things is the first step toward ridding yourself of this bad habit.
Listen to the people around you, especially out in public. Notice how they speak to servers, customer service representatives, and other workers. What does this tell you about them? What does the way you speak to people in public say about you?
The next time you find it necessary to lodge a legitimate complaint, make sure it meets the criteria discussed above—purposeful, solution-oriented, understanding, kind, and whine-free.
Complaining is harmful to your reputation. If you must complain, make sure your words are constructive and that you handle yourself in a way that reflects positively on your character.
在接下来的24个小时里，努力你发现你每次抱怨的时间，在家里，在工作时，还是在外面的社区。改正坏习惯的第一步是注意你的语气和你对别人或者事情不满意的唠叨。听你周围的人说，尤其是在公共场合。注意他们对服务员、客户服务代表和其他工人说话的语气。别人对你说话的方式取决于你在公共场合对别人说话的方式。接下来你要找到一个让你抱怨正当理由，确保它符合上述标准，目的明确面向方案，善良和自由的。抱怨对你的名誉是有损害的。如果你一定要抱怨，确定你说的话是有教育意义的，你的处理方式反映了你积极的性格。